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"Like a graveyard...
... people dig me"
Keep on Rocking in the Free World [even if the goat wants to shut me up] 
17th-Aug-2006 11:51 am
Tao Antialiased
So I've not been posting very much lately. Mostly because my internal dialogue has been turned inward; I'm answering my own questions. I'm not happy with the answers, at least for the past two days or so, but they keep coming back the same. It may have something to do with the sleepiness. When I'm tired I get introspectively cranky. And self-reinforcingly so (shut up, I can make up words like anyone else).

I also fail at life: I fell getting off the subway this morning and skinned (but did not bloody, there's always a bright side) both of my elbows. (That's what I get for rushing out the train and getting at least one foot pinned by the door. Funny thing is while I was falling I realized what I had to do to prevent a fall but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew that I was falling, and was just too tired/lazy to do anything about it.) I also forgot to shampoo this morning, but worry not, I went to the bathroom just now and used some soap so my hair will fail to become a greasy helmet of ick---as quickly.

The other reason that I've been slow to LJ is that I don't feel my complaining is worth posting. Yes, I'm poly. Yes I'm craving a new relationship on top of what I have with my most awsomest girlfriend. But it makes me feel a little guilty to complain about it. After all, there are so many people who have trouble finding *one* person to share their awesome with, what right do I have about wanting to find a second?

Also the complaining above the previous paragraph: absolutely worthless.

I need to get out of my head for a little while and bounce ideas off things that are not me, or I will get worse, I think. MichaelCrawford, Kuro5hin.org's favorite crazy writer dude says: "One way sane people stay sane is that others around us let us know when we are straying from the rational path." In other words, social interaction is useful for mental health because it can help you keep on an even keel, even unconsciously. The article hasn't posted yet, but if you have a K5 account, you can see it at: http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2006/8/15/35149/9787

On a completely separate note, "Man of the Year" sounds like its going to be an awesome movie. Check IMDB or YouTube for more info.

Oh, and it always depresses me to learn exactly how little I've actually changed even though I keep thinking I've actually accomplished some positive personal growth/modification.
Comments 
17th-Aug-2006 07:17 pm (UTC)
sleep. go take a nap. cranky sleepiness makes crazy people get crazier. sleepy crankiness make nothing right. itch in your own skin and snap at people you love. i hate crankysleepiness. go take a nap.

and realize that life can be so good.
you're 23 and free. you're your own person and earning money and in charge of your own life and where it can go. The world is full of opportunity, and you are full of potential. you can only go up from here.
21st-Aug-2006 11:27 pm (UTC)
So, if you don't mind my asking, why the polyamory?
27th-Aug-2006 11:02 pm (UTC)
Because even if I'm not actively in multiple (concurrent) committed relationships, it is something I believe is right, and works for me (and Erin).
28th-Aug-2006 02:42 am (UTC)
Ok, what I was really asking is "Why do you believe it's right"?
28th-Aug-2006 03:02 am (UTC)
For me it works because it acknowledges and honors that our mate is not, cannot, and should not be forced to be our sole source of emotional intimacy. I feel that it's impossible to expect that one person can be your everything—both you and they need other interests outside of each other. Polyamory is simply an extension of that.

At least I think I'm speaking clearly about it right now. I'm rather sleepy and think much of my brain is still in the mountains.
28th-Aug-2006 03:14 am (UTC) - if you don't mind my saying...
I would think it's equally impossible for N people to comprise your everything, and that having a father with divided loyalties would be bad for any children that result.
28th-Aug-2006 02:56 am (UTC)
(After all, your first answer told me almost nothing new.)
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