Peter (xoder) wrote,
Peter
xoder

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My idiocy made action

Well, today, on top of the rest of my busy schedule, I'm going to go and make a fool of myself and break a previous promise to myself.

Remember that "don't even try for any girls 'till after spring break"? Yah well, that's the promise I'm breaking. And in one swift movement, I'm gonna make a fool of myself telling my feelings to a girl who definately (95% chance) doesn't share them. No, this isn't me being depressive, or self-depricating, she had previously told me she wasn't interested. [I mean, so had I... but it wasn't an "at first sight" kind of thing...] I just hope that I don't fuck up our friendship. I don't think I will...
Ye gods, get this lump out of my throat.
Oh, and she probably already knows, since I'm about as transparent as a photomultiplier. When I told Ari that I was going to do this, he said something along the lines of "is it that girl that you give that passive smile to?" I mean this kid has known me for around 6.5 years, but almost anyone can see right through me.
You know, I've never been this nervous about something like this. But then again, before, I had nothing to lose. Each and everytime there was nearly no pre-existing relationship, so a new one could be built as big as we wanted. But here... I can lose a good friend. But its the right thing to do. To keep it from her would be like lying, and if (5% chance) I'm wrong about her convictions, things could get so cool. Not to mention, that even if I'm right, she might not shun me.

Pardon the above ramblings, but its my LJ, and I will ramble as I please. I just need to put this in, put it through my little public filters so I know what I'm comfortable with, and the things that I'm not comfortable with, well, I can think about them longer, now that they are caught in the filter.

ttyl,
PETER
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